Female engineers are rare. Female engineers who make it to retirement in the tech industry are even rarer. During their careers, far too many young female engineers have to make an agonizing choice – Do they hold on to their profession and hard-earned accomplishments? Or do they quit for the benefit of their family? I’m sorry to say that I see this struggle far too often. It breaks my heart every time I see a promising young engineer struggle with this choice.
This dilemma is not unique to female engineers, but there are a few things unique to technical careers that make holding on to them much more difficult while taking care of a young family. Today’s engineers work at companies that often hire the smartest folks and encourage them to work around the clock. Companies provide employees with breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Even laundry and car services are available at work just so employees can be more productive. Our schedules are tight and our challenges daunting. Our motto is: do whatever it takes to get the job done on time, on budget, and with quality. Consistently doing so is the key to success in our industry.
While a single female engineer will have no problems keeping toe to toe with her colleagues, a mother of young children will often find such a work environment very challenging. Even in today’s progressive society – where both men and women should equally share the burden of raising a young family – my experience leads me to believe that mothers struggle more with the balancing act. No matter how fulfilling the challenges of work are, maternal instincts often conflict with what is required from us as high-performing engineers.
Another challenge that I see female engineers struggle with is coming back into the industry after taking leave. Many of my friends have tried to come back after taking a few years off, but during their absence, the industry has moved forward by leaps and bounds, making re-entry very difficult. Most of them had to change their careers to get back into the workforce because their skill set became obsolete, and since part-time engineering jobs are not common, they had no other pathways back into an engineering role.
I believe that society as a whole is somewhat ignorant of these challenges for female engineers who want to start a family. Unlike well-documented issues like bias and discrimination, there isn’t much advice out there on how to navigate this issue.
I hope you never get to a point where you have to choose between having a career or having a family. Juggling both is one of the most difficult things many of us face, and I hope each and every one of you finds a middle ground. Here are a few things that helped me during those tough years.
- Don’t try to do it all. Prioritize tasks. Whether at work or at home, focus on the highest priority tasks. You may not get to do everything you would like to do, but you get to do the most important things.
- Realize that your time will come. When you have a young family, you may be unable to go the extra mile at work – we all know that going the extra mile consistently is what propels us to rise in our careers. For a few years, you may not be a superstar at work, but realize that as your children grow up, you will get more and more time to chase your own dreams. The important thing is to never let go of your dreams completely. It may not be the right time now, but one day, it will be.
- Make use of available resources. If you have the option of getting help from a trusted source, like a friend or a family member, don’t be shy to make use of it. If you can afford it, don’t let a few dollars get in the way of your career. Outsource the lower priority items at home like cleaning so you get quality time to spend on your higher priority tasks.
Too many of my friends are too quick to let go of their dreams. I have seen many completely relinquish their life for their children’s sake. To them I have but one thing to say. Never forget that YOU are your mother’s dream come true.