Susan was amazing at her job. She routinely executed the toughest assignments brilliantly. Yet, for some reason, our colleagues did not treat her like the accomplished engineer that she clearly was. Whether it was an all hands meeting or group lunch, teammates preferred the other aisle, the next table, or the other row. Being the only other female in the organization, I initially suspected the obvious – that they didn’t want her in the boy’s club.

But after working with her a few times, I came to understand that everyone else’s attitude towards Susan wasn’t about bias. Susan was a Chicken Little. The sky was always falling. Every time you talked to her, there was some catastrophe on the horizon. It could be anything from “Oh! Our jobs are not secure! What will we be working on next?” to “Our taxes are too high!”. Whatever in life was worrying Susan at the time was always front and center in her on-the-job interactions, and nobody wanted to have to deal with that.

Careers in tech are known to be among the most stressful on the planet. Our deadlines are often extremely tight. We are regularly asked to come up with solutions to challenges that no one has ever faced before. With that constant stress, it’s easy to become dour and pessimistic. In order to rise in this industry, one needs to consciously maintain a positive attitude in spite of these challenges. Being a source of positivity in stressful situations is a clear sign of a leader. No one – neither at work, nor anywhere else – wants to spend their time with a whiner.

When you work with a person or group of people for a while, it is not uncommon to form a bond where you can freely discuss any topic. I’m not referring to that scenario. I’m specifically talking about group settings where you are not familiar with every one present. Don’t always steer the conversation towards what is worrying you whether it is with respect to work or life. Learn to keep the conversations light and casual even when the topic at hand is of an unsavory nature. Proving your point in such settings doesn’t get you any additional benefits at work.

Mind you, I’m not advising that you should never lose your cool at work or “Always Be Smiling”. Everyone has an occasional bad day, and there are times where you will need to stand up and call out bullshit. However, in general, you should consciously try to project positivity and a sunny disposition. If there are situations where you need to lose your cool, do so deliberately. Don’t show subtle annoyance or irritation, but stand up, pound the table, and demand action. Call out the offending action and demand that it be fixed immediately.

Here are a couple of rules that I follow:

1. Take the hard times with a smile. Often hardship is not under your control. You didn’t plan to make things more difficult for yourself. These things just happen, and they will always happen. Complaining about uncontrollable events benefits no one, especially not you. For example, there are times when the future of a team is uncertain but talking about it excessively unnerves the team and the management chain. If you are worried about the future project or your role in the future project, discuss it privately with your boss.

2. Stick to professional reasons when discussing job-specific challenges. Leave the emotional references out of the conversation. Try to incorporate something positive that you did to overcome the challenge, so it does not come across as if you are just whining.  For example, instead of saying “That customer always drives me nuts,” say something like “Discussions with that customer were always challenging. They never seemed to understand our recommendations. So, I had to do this, this, and this to finally get the customer’s consent.” Or, instead of saying “I had to work the whole night to meet the deadline,” say something like “We need to do a better job of estimating the time and effort it takes to complete assignments so that we don’t end up pulling all-nighters again.”